The vote of thanks at a funeral is a short speech given on behalf of the family, usually near the end of the funeral service or at the reception. If you have been asked to give it, this guide tells you what to say and in what order. It gives you ten sample vote of thanks speeches to adapt, with lines for opening, for thanking each group and for closing.
What the vote of thanks is for
It does one job. It thanks the people who came and the people who helped. It is not a tribute and it is not a second sermon. Two minutes is about right. Three is the most.
It is often given by the eldest child, a brother or sister of the person who died, or the head of the family. Some families ask a son-in-law or a close family friend, so that the children do not have to speak while they are grieving.
In some places the same speech is called a funeral thank you speech, an acknowledgement or words of appreciation. The job is the same.
Before you write it
Ask three questions.
- Where does it come in the service? Ask the minister or the master of ceremonies. In some churches it comes before the final hymn. In others it is kept for the graveside or the reception.
- How long do I have? Keep to the time you are given.
- Is there anything I must announce? For example, where the reception is, or that the burial is for family only.
Then write a list of who to thank. Show it to one other family member, so that nobody important is missed.
The order to follow
- Greet the gathering. Begin with the clergy, then elders and titled guests, then everyone else. Ask the family how your community does this.
- Say who you are. One line. "I am (name), the first son."
- Thank God, if the family is religious.
- Thank the ministers and the church.
- Thank those who cared for the person in their last days.
- Thank the family and in-laws.
- Thank friends, colleagues, societies and neighbours.
- Thank those who travelled, and those who gave.
- Give any announcement.
- Close with a blessing or a simple thank you.
Lines you can use
To open
- The officiating ministers, our elders, family and friends, good (morning, afternoon).
- Protocols duly observed. I speak for the (surname) family.
- My name is (name). I am the (eldest daughter, first son, brother) of the late (name).
- On behalf of my mother and all the family, thank you for being here.
To thank each group
- The clergy. We thank (title and name) and the ministers for leading this service and for visiting us at home.
- The choir and ushers. Thank you for the singing and the order you kept today.
- Carers. We thank the doctors and nurses of (hospital), and (name), who nursed (her, him) at home.
- Relatives and in-laws. Thank you for standing with us from the first day.
- Societies and colleagues. Your presence shows us how many lives (he, she) touched.
- Travellers. Many of you came a long way. We do not take it for granted.
- Everyone else. We cannot name everyone. Please accept this as our personal thanks.
To close
- May God bless you all, and grant you a safe journey home.
- May the Lord reward you. May we meet again on happier days.
- From all of us, thank you.
- Thank you for loving (him, her), and for loving us.
Vote of thanks speech for a funeral: samples
Replace the words in brackets with your own details. Read your speech aloud with a clock before the day.
A short sample vote of thanks
The officiating ministers, our elders, family and friends. My name is (name), and I am the (first son, daughter) of the late (title and name).
On behalf of the whole family, I thank you for being here today.
We thank (minister's title and name) and the members of (church) for this service, and for your prayers and visits since (Mama, Papa) passed.
We thank the doctors and nurses of (hospital), and everyone who cared for (him, her) at home.
To our relatives, in-laws, friends, neighbours and colleagues, thank you for your calls, your gifts and your time. Many of you have travelled a long way. We do not take it for granted.
After the interment, please join us at (place) for refreshments.
May God bless you all, and grant you a safe journey home. Thank you.
A longer sample
Use this when there are several groups to mention.
Protocols duly observed. I am (name), and I speak for the (surname) family.
We give thanks to God for the life of our (father, mother), (title and name), and for the (age) years He gave (him, her).
We thank the (title) of (church), (name), the officiating ministers, the choir and the ushers. You have carried us through these weeks.
We thank the (name of society, union or club), the (old students' association) and (his, her) former colleagues at (workplace). Your presence shows us how many lives (he, she) touched.
To the family of our in-laws, and to our uncles and aunts who came from (town), thank you for standing with us.
To the committee that planned today, and to everyone who cooked, drove, sang, gave or simply sat with us, thank you. We cannot name everyone. Please accept this as our personal thanks.
(Announcement, if any.)
May the Lord reward you. May we meet again on happier days. Thank you, and God bless you.
A one-minute vote of thanks
Good (morning, afternoon). I am (name), and I speak for the family of the late (name).
Thank you for coming. Thank you to (minister's title and name) for this service, and to all who prayed, called, visited and gave. You have made a heavy day lighter.
Please join us at (place) after the burial. God bless you all.
Vote of thanks at a mother's funeral
The officiating ministers, elders, family and friends. I am (name), the (eldest daughter, first son) of the late (title and name).
Our mother loved people, and today you have shown us that people loved her. Thank you.
We thank (title and name) and the (women's fellowship, Mothers' Union) of (church), who sat with Mama in her last weeks and with us since.
We thank her sisters and brothers, our in-laws, her friends from (market, school, workplace), and the neighbours who became family.
To those who travelled, thank you. To those who cooked and served, thank you.
Refreshments will be served at (place). May God reward your kindness.
Vote of thanks at a father's funeral
Protocols duly observed. My name is (name), the first son of the late (title and name), and I speak for my mother and my brothers and sisters.
We thank God for our father's life.
We thank the clergy, the (men's fellowship, society) and the elders of (town, community) for the honour you have done him today.
We thank his colleagues from (workplace), his friends of many years, and our in-laws.
Daddy taught us to say thank you properly, so let me say it plainly: we are grateful to each of you.
Please join us at (place). Travel safely, and God bless you.
Given by a family friend or in-law, for the family
Good (morning, afternoon). My name is (name). I am (a son-in-law of the family, a friend of the family), and the (surname) family has asked me to speak for them.
The (widow, widower) and the children thank you for being here. They thank (minister's title and name), the church, and everyone who cared for (name) during (his, her) illness.
They have received more calls, visits and gifts than they can answer one by one. Please take this as their thanks to each of you.
(Announcement, if any.) Thank you.
Vote of thanks at the graveside
On behalf of the (surname) family, thank you for coming with us to this place.
We thank the ministers for the committal, and those who carried (name) on (his, her) last journey.
Please greet the family before you leave, and join us at (place) for refreshments. May God see you safely home.
Vote of thanks at the reception
May I have your attention for one minute. I am (name), and I speak for the family of the late (name).
Thank you for staying with us to the end. We thank the cooks, the servers and all who prepared this place, and the (band, choir) for the music.
If we missed your name today, forgive us. We saw you, and we are grateful.
Please eat well and travel safely. God bless you.
Vote of thanks at a memorial or thanksgiving service
The officiating ministers, family and friends. I am (name), and I speak for the (surname) family.
It is (one year, six months) since we laid (name) to rest. You stood with us then, and you are here with us again today. Thank you.
We thank (minister's title and name) and the church for this service of thanksgiving. We thank all who have called, visited and prayed for us since the burial.
Please join us for refreshments at (place). May God bless you.
A vote of thanks without religious wording
Good (morning, afternoon). My name is (name), and I am (name)'s (son, daughter, brother, sister).
On behalf of the family, thank you for being here to remember (him, her).
Thank you to (name), who led today's ceremony, and to the staff of (hospital, care home) for their care. Thank you to everyone who wrote, called, cooked and travelled.
It has helped us more than we can say. Please join us at (place) afterwards.
Tips for the day
- Write it down. Print it in large type. Do not rely on your phone or your memory.
- Check the names. Ask how to say the minister's title and name. Practise the hard ones.
- Do not list every person. Thank groups. One missed name is remembered longer than twenty spoken ones.
- Do not tell stories. A single line about the person is enough. The tributes have done the rest.
- Speak slowly. Pause after each group you thank.
- If you cannot finish, stop, breathe, and carry on. Nobody minds. You can also arrange for someone to stand beside you and take over.
What to leave out
- The cause of death, unless the family has agreed to speak of it
- Family disagreements
- Money, including what anyone gave
- Jokes that only a few people will understand
- Long quotations
In the programme as well
Many families also print a short appreciation on the back page of the programme, so that people who leave early still receive the family's thanks. See appreciation message after a burial for sample wording.
Make sure the vote of thanks is listed in the order of service with the name of the person giving it. The minister should approve the order before it is printed. See our orders of service for starting points, and what goes in a funeral programme for the other pages.
If you are leading the whole day, see the funeral MC script. If you have been asked to speak about the person, see how to write a tribute.
Questions people ask
What do you say in a vote of thanks at a funeral?
Greet the gathering, say who you are, and thank each group in turn: the ministers and church, those who cared for the person, relatives and in-laws, friends, colleagues and societies, and those who travelled. Give any announcement, then close with a blessing or a simple thank you.
Who gives the vote of thanks at a funeral?
It is often the eldest child, a brother or sister of the person who died, or the head of the family. Some families ask a son-in-law or a close family friend, so that the children do not have to speak while they are grieving.
How long should a vote of thanks be?
Two minutes is about right, and three is the most. Two minutes is about 250 words when read slowly.
When is the vote of thanks given?
It differs. In some churches it comes before the final hymn. In others it is kept for the graveside or the reception. Ask the minister or the master of ceremonies before the day.
How do you end a vote of thanks?
End with one short line, such as "May God bless you all, and grant you a safe journey home" or "From all of us, thank you." If there is a reception, say where it is just before you close.
What is the difference between a vote of thanks and an appreciation message?
The vote of thanks is spoken at the service or reception. The appreciation message is written, and is printed on the back page of the programme or sent out after the burial. Many families do both.
Make the programme with Homegoing
Homegoing builds the full funeral programme: the order of service with the vote of thanks in its place, the life story, the tributes and the family's appreciation on the back page. Start a programme